“I recently took one of my teams to The Nike Cup, a pretty big soccer tournament in Ohio, with tons of teams in attendance. It was an exciting weekend, in which we found our selves in a PK shootout to decide the championship in our division. I picked my 5 shooters, and within a matter of minutes 3 of the 5 girls were in tears. The pressure was crushing them. In their minds, they were responsible for the outcome of the match. If they missed, it was on their shoulders. The reality of that of course is that a lot of soccer had to be played to get to that point, and everyone’s actions contributed to us arriving at this moment. Thinking quickly of what I could express to them in the 30 seconds I had, I spotted an ill placed Bourbon Chicken food truck right behind the goal. Knowing it to be a likely landing spot of ill-placed PKs, part of my message was that even if we launch all 5 shots into the chicken shack, the pressure is a privilege, it means we got this far and something is expected of us. And that’s awesome! It dosent mean that we wouldn’t then have to work on PKs and figure out what went wrong if we lost, but it does mean that we can just let go and play, appreciating how far we have come. We ended up winning the PK shootout, with the other team putting one into the chicken shack (bringing much animation and excitement from my group) and thankfully could then share some tears of joy. We are still accountable for the shots we took, and some of them made some pretty interesting choices which will need to be addressed, but the time for that comes later. To be held responsible for outcomes that we cant control, either by ourself or others, is crippling. To not hold ourselves accountable for the choices we make and the work we are doing (or not doing), halts all progress. We need accountability, while letting go of responsibility.”

From The Myth of Talent:

“A lot of you reading this are probably about my age and have been driving cars now for 20 or 30 years. Would you consider yourself elite? If 10,000 hours is required for mastery, why aren’t you elite? Because it’s not purposeful. I’ve always had an unfortunate ability to drive for hours, hundreds of miles, and have no idea where I am or what I’ve passed. Its driven people nuts as they call to get an update and ask me where I am, or what I’ve passed, and I have no idea. Driving is automatic for me; I can do it and zone out and think about other things. It doesn’t challenge me, it doesn't require focus, and I don’t have clear objectives, other than arriving intact, and of course, on time. I could get a call asking, “Hey man did you pass the 25-foot-tall pink elephant that spits fire from its trunk with disco balls for eyes yet?” and answer “eh, I don’t know. Maybe?” I want to be very clear on this point: You can practice soccer for 25 years and barely get any better if that practice is not optimized for growth. Practice must mimic the demands of the game. It cannot be done on auto pilot. If it is, don’t even think about including it in that magical 10,000 hours. Take that same example of a player taking hundreds of shots a day to ‘fix’ their shooting issues in matches. So often I’ve seen that at all the levels I’ve coached, when I ask them ‘what was your target on that last shot?’ I’ve been met with a blank stare, an ‘I don’t know, the goal I guess.’ In a game of soccer is the goal the target, or the exact parts of the goal the goalkeeper is not in? Or I’ll ask, ‘What did you change in those shots to see how it affected the flight of the ball?’ And again, be met with ‘Nothing, I guess.’ If the practice is not purposeful, it may be fun or a good workout, but it will not increase performance. While getting hours in doing what we are hoping to excel at is critically important, hours alone will not improve performance.”

From Permission to Fall Apart:

“Once we can wrap our heads around the fact that nobody becomes great without suffering and failing, at a rate much higher than those taking the safer and easier path, then we are left with maybe the hardest part of that journey: continually exposing ourselves to the annihilation of failure, so the indestructible can be found in us. To know if we are bulletproof, we must be shot. To know we can withstand the fire, we must first enter the furnace. Joe Rogan (and probably many others) once said that all truly exceptional people have been through hell. Whether that be “hell” brought on by internal or external struggles, I believe it to be true. But here’s the catch: I think the vast majority of us can survive way more than we think and do far greater things than we can imagine. So, what separates those who achieve from those who just dream? I believe one of the greatest predictors to what we are capable of, is found in our ability to make hard choices when easier choices can be made.”

From The Price of Admission:

“The cost is the cost, and if it matters to you, it must be paid. The alternative, of course, is a safe life. Likely a pretty easy life. But it’s a life in which we never know what we are really capable of, who we are created to be, the impact we could have, or the people we could love. A life without struggle, but also without purpose, without loss but without gain, and for me that isn’t really a life, it’s just surviving. I’ve come to believe the purpose and meaning in our lives is directly proportional to what we are willing to risk, and the more we risk for things or people we love, the more alive we become.”

From Imposters:

“On the other side of the coin, President Lincoln. Arguably one of the greatest leaders in history, and no stranger to disaster. Early in his life Lincolns mother passed away, followed by his sister, followed by the love of his life, and the list goes on. When he got into business putting all he had into a small general store, his partner died and the business went under. Once he entered politics, he was defeated for Illinois state legislator in 1832. He lost his run for Congress in 1843 and again in 1848. He lost his bid to become a U.S. Senator in 1855. He ran for Vice President of the U.S. in 1856 and lost. He ran again for the U.S. Senate in 1859 and lost again. That’s the cliff notes version, there was not alot in Lincoln’s life that seemed to go exceedingly well. If he would have sat down, stated his life to be a disaster, and thrown in the towel, I don’t think many would have tried to stop him. So why didn’t he?

……Disaster was always an imposter to Lincoln. He knew his path, and failure and struggle wasn’t an advisor to be consulted, it was just something to be endured. What are the imposters in your life today, or more importantly, what are they telling you? The disasters and the triumphs can both be great teachers, but we must treat them both the same: Learn what you can, and just keep going.”

From Personal Blog:

“Growing up people always tell us to have thick skin, to not let things get to us. Coaching has taught me that if we desire to live impactful lives, we must do the opposite. ‘Don’t care what anyone thinks’ is garbage advice, and it’s not courageous or admirable, its weak and self preserving. The most courageous and meaningful lives we can live leave the most scars. As soon as we don’t care, or develop thick skin, or find a way to numb that pain, we’ve begun the gradual decent into wasting our time here. We surround ourselves with people who agree with us, care only about people who we feel those feelings are safe with, and when we need meaning or adventure we just watch a series on Netflix, because our lives become devoid of either. The more something or someone matters to us, the greater than pain it can cause. But a meaningful life is never found in avoidance. The secret isn’t to develop tough skin, or care less. I believe the path to a meaningful life is finding something you love enough to keep walking back into the darkness for. It’s not caring less, but caring so incredibly much that people don’t understand it, but are changed by it. If that was never modeled to me, I doubt I would be here writing this. I’ve studied a lot of leaders, President Lincoln is one I think of often. He was the only US President to come under enemy fire. During the civil war he could have stayed safely in the White House but he wanted to be with his soldiers, so he went out to the battlefield himself, narrowly escaping the shots fired at him. To be hurt or frustrated by something or someone means it matters a lot to you, and that is a gift. Even though that gift may not be yours to keep. The worst fate that could await us isn’t the scars, but not caring enough to walk back into the battle.”

From BC United Soccer Club monthly Newsletter:

“ ‘Fate does not exist; only effort does, and that is where we fail each other.’

-Bianca Sparacino

I read this earlier this morning, and spent most of the day with its implications swirling in my head. My hope for you all this holiday season, and this coming year, is that you continue to invest your efforts into the things and people that matter most to you. That you would be intentional in making choices each day that the person you wish to become would make, paying attention to your fears and feelings and struggles, but never consulting them for direction. I wonder these days if the idea of fate is just an excuse to stop trying, or take an easier route. As my Dad used to say, success is never final and failure is never fatal, and true failure only lies in no longer trying. Keep making those efforts, even the unseen or unappreciated ones. Keep showing up for people that matter to you. No matter the outcome or the alure of sitting back and writing your future off to fate, keep going. Keep chasing what makes you come alive, and help those around you do the same. Keep telling people you love them and believe in them, even if its weird and awkward (my favorite :-)). The only failure true is in no longer trying.

Dont trust fate, write it.”

From BC United Soccer Club Monthly Newsletter:

“Of the things Ive come to value most in people I meet, among the highest is authenticity and vulnerability. I think sometimes these days we get a skewed image of what those things look like, and we confuse it with just sharing a lot of our feelings on social media, or even in person with people we don’t much care how they receive it. True vulnerability, though, is sharing the things about us that risk people loving us less, especially people we care deeply about. Its not our political stance or our feelings on current events being broadcast to the masses, or even sharing hard parts of our lives that still paint us in a quite positive light. Its sharing the parts of us that we fight to hide, parts that others could judge as weakness or brokenness and just chose to move along without us. But those same things that we fight so hard to hide, are often what someone else will love most about us, and what they have been looking for in everyone they meet, only to be met with masks…..

……. So many of us spend our lives hiding the parts of ourselves that others spend their lives searching for. Vulnerability, then, is letting that light shine even if it blinds some and others throw rocks at it, knowing to someone it will be the light that guides them home. Wether as parents, coaches, players, or whatever roles we fill, the greatest gift we can offer others and ourselves, is our true selves. I appreciate you all, and I hope you find the courage this week to be YOU, and help those around you do the same.

Since I never pass up a chance to reference life lesson from cinema, I'll leave you with this:

Batman's greatest fear, was bats. Only when he embraced that identy, and literally wore it as a cape, did he become a superhero. We aren’t that much different, really. Sometimes thats all it takes to become a superhero.”

—Dave